So I'm not letting "a friend" deter me. Because this is gonna be a pretty intense post. Short, but intense.
Does being gay mean one is sinning? I think I posted this way back in the early days of the blog, but it warrants reminding to the general population. Something that many Rabbis and people who judge in general, such as "a friend" in the last post's comments, assume that being gay means one is there violating a prohibition of the Bible. The most commonly accepted interpretation in Modern Orthodoxy of the verse against homosexuality, is that the Biblical prohibition is towards anal sex only. Does coming out inherently mean that one is having anal sex? No, no it does not.
People are too quick to put the two together, when, indeed, they are very different things. Maybe a religious guy is out but isn't having anal sex b/c he cant find anyone to do it with him, or maybe he isn't having it because of his religious beliefs, or maybe he is having it! But that's not for anyone to know about, or for anyone to make assumptions about. It's certainly not something for anyone to share on a public blogger forum. Just because someone is out of the closet, or just because someone is gay- does not mean they are violating that prohibition. They may not even like it, to be honest, because everyone enjoys different things in bed- this applies to heterosexuals as well.
So like I said, short, but a reminder that we should not assume anything about anyone's private bedroom behaviors. Gay or straight, in the closet or out, and this applies to me as much as it does to "a friend".
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Thursday, January 28, 2010
The Struggle
[Reposted from FB for those that read it there]
I love my life. I'll tell you what bothers me. When others try and tell me how to live, how to act and how to behave. The Torah and Rabbis I have a relatonship with, maybe, but until you live my life, do not tell me what I can and cannot do. Or that who I am is simply society leaking into our "perfect" Jewish culture.
Are those who are "judging" me celibate individuals? No, they are married- or will be married- and they have sex. Are they gay? Maybe, but probably not.
So until they are in my shoes, don't tell me my Nisayon, my test, is just like everyone else's; that I can overcome it with enough effort. It might be true, but only in very specific situations, and until you are in my specific situation, don't tell me what challenges I can or cannot overcome.
Our society is not a "pure Torah society", so don't yell at me for turning it impure. It's not my fault that I have a struggle and regardless of that struggle, I simply want for the Orthodox community to accept me. The more you denounce my challenge and tell me my struggle is not okay, the more you push me away from Orthodoxy. If that is the goal, congratulations, you are succeeding. If it is not, then stop. Just stop. Just let me try and make a life for myself and stay frum.
I love my life. I'll tell you what bothers me. When others try and tell me how to live, how to act and how to behave. The Torah and Rabbis I have a relatonship with, maybe, but until you live my life, do not tell me what I can and cannot do. Or that who I am is simply society leaking into our "perfect" Jewish culture.
Are those who are "judging" me celibate individuals? No, they are married- or will be married- and they have sex. Are they gay? Maybe, but probably not.
So until they are in my shoes, don't tell me my Nisayon, my test, is just like everyone else's; that I can overcome it with enough effort. It might be true, but only in very specific situations, and until you are in my specific situation, don't tell me what challenges I can or cannot overcome.
Our society is not a "pure Torah society", so don't yell at me for turning it impure. It's not my fault that I have a struggle and regardless of that struggle, I simply want for the Orthodox community to accept me. The more you denounce my challenge and tell me my struggle is not okay, the more you push me away from Orthodoxy. If that is the goal, congratulations, you are succeeding. If it is not, then stop. Just stop. Just let me try and make a life for myself and stay frum.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Taboo
Okay so originally an article i read about sexual abuse sparked this post, but whether or not the article is true, these are my thoughts.
The idea of abuse ad Orthodox sex issues in general I discussed within the past 24 hours before having it come up again, by coincidence. The Orthodox community has a lot of challenges and a lot of things to work on. Within the past ten years, growing up, people took a stand and finally challenged adults to get a handle on the drinking and the drugs that happens in the Yeshiva High Schools and began to set limits, like on Simchat Torah and Purim. However, now it's time to face a new issue- again, they may not want to- but it's time. And if no one else will, as soon as i have the means, I will.
The issue of sex and sexuality can no longer be ignored. I know, every Rabbi has a "Shomer Negiah" Shiur, in high school, in Israel, in college. Everyone knows that kids are struggling with "Negiah". But it's much bigger than that. Sex is much bigger than that. Sex is happening in front of our eyes when people are way too young. Children are being molested and teenagers are being reckless (ie- sex in broom closets and pregnancies). While I don't say- give a Shiur and control teens, I say FACE IT. Face the fact that Orthodox teens are having sex, now more than ever. Gay, straight, that's not the issue. If schools open their eyes and their mouths and being to make sex less taboo and allow their students to discuss it more openly and understand what they do in high school has ramifications on the future ie- STDs, condoms. And if sex becomes more open- hopefully molestation will also be an issue that people don't have to be scared about, to talk about, to finally discuss. And maybe we can help bring Orthodoxy to the next stage of it's growth and understanding the next challenge facing a new generation.
The idea of abuse ad Orthodox sex issues in general I discussed within the past 24 hours before having it come up again, by coincidence. The Orthodox community has a lot of challenges and a lot of things to work on. Within the past ten years, growing up, people took a stand and finally challenged adults to get a handle on the drinking and the drugs that happens in the Yeshiva High Schools and began to set limits, like on Simchat Torah and Purim. However, now it's time to face a new issue- again, they may not want to- but it's time. And if no one else will, as soon as i have the means, I will.
The issue of sex and sexuality can no longer be ignored. I know, every Rabbi has a "Shomer Negiah" Shiur, in high school, in Israel, in college. Everyone knows that kids are struggling with "Negiah". But it's much bigger than that. Sex is much bigger than that. Sex is happening in front of our eyes when people are way too young. Children are being molested and teenagers are being reckless (ie- sex in broom closets and pregnancies). While I don't say- give a Shiur and control teens, I say FACE IT. Face the fact that Orthodox teens are having sex, now more than ever. Gay, straight, that's not the issue. If schools open their eyes and their mouths and being to make sex less taboo and allow their students to discuss it more openly and understand what they do in high school has ramifications on the future ie- STDs, condoms. And if sex becomes more open- hopefully molestation will also be an issue that people don't have to be scared about, to talk about, to finally discuss. And maybe we can help bring Orthodoxy to the next stage of it's growth and understanding the next challenge facing a new generation.
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