Wednesday, October 6, 2010


Today is the one year anniversary of starting this blog, of blogging, of the tremendous success I've felt with the ability to reach thousands of people worldwide. I could spend the post discussing the blog, why I write, what I plan to write about in the future, but there's something much more important to discuss.

Raymond Chase, 19, Rhode Island. Tyler Clementi, 18, New Jersey. Asher Brown, 13, Texas. Billy Lucas, 15, Indiana. Seth Walsh, 13, California Cody J. Barker, 17, Wisconsin Felix Sacco, 17, Massachusetts Harrison Chase Brown, 15, Colorado Caleb Nolt, 14, Indiana Ethan Beyers, 18, Indiana. Carl Joseph Walker- Hoover 11, Jaheem Herrera, 11. Ryan Halligan, 12.

The LGBT community has lost far too many people in the recent weeks. Various states, situations and ages, these kids have all been hurt and too scared of the world around them. They were bullied, teased, taunted, and couldn't handle it anymore; they took their own lives.

As someone who has suffered through depression, I understand the feeling of not having a choice, of feeling trapped with no way out and just wanting it all to go away. I was taunted for not meeting the traditional masculinity standards and wanted to not wake up in the morning, just so it would all go away and the pain would stop. From what is known, these kids were barely suffering from any mental illness that had been diagnosed. They were just kids, trying to live their lives, do what they enjoyed, and be who they were. But society wouldn't let them. Their peers felt the need to constantly mock them for not living up to traditional gender roles, or fitting "social norms".

Let the loss of such young people, with their entire lives ahead of them be a wake up call to you. Whether you're gay, straight, closeted, out, male, female- let their stories give you the strength never to be silent, and support those suffering and who have been put down too many times for just being who they are. Make sure your friends a family know that you support a person's right to be heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, or transgender. Or whatever they want to be. Never sit by while a friend gets bullied and never be silent when you hear of gay bashing.

If you're thinking about hurting yourself reach out to a friend, contact the anonymous phone line of the Trevor Project, but just know IT DOES GET BETTER. I've been there, and trust me, you will make it.


  1. Yasher koach--what a meaningful and important anniversary post.
    When it comes to suicide prevention, I am told that it's best to offer a number directly--so that someone really distressed need not even need to look up a number.
    The # for the excellent Trevor Project that you recommend is 1-866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386).

  2. Yom Nisuhim Sahmehah

    I only recently discovered your blog and as a Progressive New Jew wonderered if I would find anything to hear that would be of relevance to my continuing journey.

    And I find that your blog provides insights and thoughts that I often find myself pondering long after I have clicked away.

    Here's to another year!

    Mazel Tov


  3. Great post! Here is the link to the YouTube "It Gets Better" channel.

    Keep up your wonderful courageous writing.

  4. Never sit by while a friend gets bullied and never be silent when you hear of gay bashing.

    Nu, so you stand up and shout whenever Acharei Mot is read from the amud? Talk about gay bashing. I really don't get how you can remain Orthodox. How many gay kids are growing up being taught that God himself thinks that gay sex (at the minimum) is an abomination worthy of the death penalty? You think they're all going to be as strong as you are?

    People need to hear that the chumash was written by some people thousands of years ago, not that it's the word of God.

    I'm sorry, I know I'm being harsh, but it's a serious matter, as you know better than I do.

  5. First of all Ely, May you continue going l'chayil u'lichayil !!! You give many people chizuk bli ayin harah!!!

    Jewish Atheist , With all do respect , my support is with the G-d fearing jew whose sexual orientation is not str. not someone who doesn't not believe in a higher power. sorry! I am just speaking for myself.

  6. Jewish Athiest , I neglected to mention above that I feel I need to clarify is that I respect you as a human being.

  7. Eth didn't kill himself from being teased for being gay. Learn your shit before you include his name in your little rant.

  8. Anon 7:05- I apologize if things came across that way, I did not mean to imply that all the names were deaths related directly to LGBT bullying. Just suicide amongst teens, whether or not directly related to bullying.

  9. I commend you for writing this blog, however I am concerned with the message. I am a frum Jew who is struggling with my sexuality and may other things. You've mentioned being depressed, being trapped, not having a choice. I caution you with using those words. We always have a choice and what we choose has its consequences, but it is always a choice. We need not be victims anymore! We have a choice and what we choose we must live with, but this choice empowers us and frees us of being oppressed. Although it may not feel like we have choices, they are always there. The choice might not be so appealing, but it is there. Please understand that I respect this blog and all it is trying to do for the confused Jews out there, but I spent this past year in rehab and if I can tell you anything that I have gotten out of that is that I DO HAVE A CHOICE!!! and i'm proud of it!!! aren't you???

  10. "From what is known, these kids were barely suffering from any mental illness that had been diagnosed. They were just kids, trying to live their lives, do what they enjoyed, and be who they were. But society wouldn't let them".

    FG- Be very careful with your choice of words. You are no clinician and are in no position to say whether or not they were suffering from mental illness. To attribute the kids suffering to only the prejudice and intolerance of others is unfair; it's oversimplifying and understating what these kids were going through.

  11. Great blog. I am just starting to come out and your blog wil forsure help. I emailed you today I hope we can talk. I am not hiding behind a fake email or fb. I just don't want my name right now bc I'm in a sticky situation with school and all but I would love to talk and maybe next year I will be at YU!!!

  12. ישר כוח!
    Great blog, keep doing your good work.


It Gets Better- Gay Orthodox Jews