Monday, May 2, 2011

Deal With It

Hey everyone- so it's been about a year and a half since I've started the blog, and I know there is something that I want to share with you all. I wanted to talk about how I've changed over the past year plus. The blog started with me saying that I'm here to discuss the struggle of being gay and religious. I was out of the closet for a year when I started the blog, so changes within me have to do not with coming out. but just my development as an adult and person.

The original header of the blog was "I'm not here to say I'm here, I'm queer, deal with it, but to say that I'm Frum and I'm gay and I'm trying to do the best I can with that. (or something to that extent)" Now, if you'll notice, the header reads: "I am a religious Jew, and I am gay, and I'm trying to do the best I can with those two seemingly conflicting identities." Why the change? Becuase I changed. Because I realized that what I do say to the world is that "I'm here, I'm queer, deal with it." And not just say that to the world, but say that to the Orthodox community. Deal with it. Deal with my presence. Deal with homosexuality.

Since figuring out so many different aspects of my life- like friends, family, relationships, future career and all- my growth as a person went from confused, young and scared shitless, to proud, strong and confident. Whether it's the amount of support I received via the blog, my friends and the people close to me, I really developed a sense of pride in who I am and the things I believe in. I think at a certain point in a person's life, they just start thinking- what do I need, what's good for me? While that may sound selfish, I think it's how we all develop ourselves and become the people we want to become, and that's just how I did it. I surrounded myself with people who supported me, I sought paths of growth, development and understanding instead of just standing still and forcing myself to accept everything at face value. I came to realize that what I want to say to the world is, I'm here, I'm queer, deal with it.

The blog now continues as I experience how the world and community responds to myself or someone like me, someone who challenges certain beliefs that they may have grown up with, and suggests new options they may never have considered. Someone who is Orthodox but also gay, and is not willing to give either of those up. Someone who is telling you to deal with it.


  1. Great post! I'm really impressed with the confidence you've gained since you started this blog, Ely. And your confidence forces everyone to do exactly what you say--DEAL WITH IT!!!

  2. While I obviously disagree with your Orthodoxy and your complicity in its continuity I really do respect what you're doing a lot.

    Even though I left the community, part of the reason I blog (and comment) is to say to them that there are many of us who go OTD because we come to believe that Orthodoxy just isn't true and that they should DEAL WITH THAT instead of constantly pretending that we're all mindless hedonists or that people like us don't come from their communities.

  3. Frum guy here looking to experiment, how can i reach you?

  4. I'm not looking to be your experiment, but I am willing to talk if you'd like to send me an email or Facebook me.

  5. What is your email?

  6. Just click on my name and it's in my profile.

  7. hi Ely..

    it's a nice blog,i used to be in a closet for so many years, in fact until now my family hsven't know about me yet. As ,muslim i do pray a lot n went to mosque but to get rid of who is the real me....i remain like this...happy to be gay and religious muslim.


It Gets Better- Gay Orthodox Jews