Hey everyone- so it's been about a year and a half since I've started the blog, and I know there is something that I want to share with you all. I wanted to talk about how I've changed over the past year plus. The blog started with me saying that I'm here to discuss the struggle of being gay and religious. I was out of the closet for a year when I started the blog, so changes within me have to do not with coming out. but just my development as an adult and person.
The original header of the blog was "I'm not here to say I'm here, I'm queer, deal with it, but to say that I'm Frum and I'm gay and I'm trying to do the best I can with that. (or something to that extent)" Now, if you'll notice, the header reads: "I am a religious Jew, and I am gay, and I'm trying to do the best I can with those two seemingly conflicting identities." Why the change? Becuase I changed. Because I realized that what I do say to the world is that "I'm here, I'm queer, deal with it." And not just say that to the world, but say that to the Orthodox community. Deal with it. Deal with my presence. Deal with homosexuality.
Since figuring out so many different aspects of my life- like friends, family, relationships, future career and all- my growth as a person went from confused, young and scared shitless, to proud, strong and confident. Whether it's the amount of support I received via the blog, my friends and the people close to me, I really developed a sense of pride in who I am and the things I believe in. I think at a certain point in a person's life, they just start thinking- what do I need, what's good for me? While that may sound selfish, I think it's how we all develop ourselves and become the people we want to become, and that's just how I did it. I surrounded myself with people who supported me, I sought paths of growth, development and understanding instead of just standing still and forcing myself to accept everything at face value. I came to realize that what I want to say to the world is, I'm here, I'm queer, deal with it.
The blog now continues as I experience how the world and community responds to myself or someone like me, someone who challenges certain beliefs that they may have grown up with, and suggests new options they may never have considered. Someone who is Orthodox but also gay, and is not willing to give either of those up. Someone who is telling you to deal with it.