I've been waiting for the right topic to hit me, and after a long weekend it finally did. I had a wonderful weekend. I spent Friday Night Dinner with over 250 LGBT identified Jews. Some Orthodox, some not, some older, some younger, a varying group of individuals, most of whom I was privileged to meet. It really was a great meal, with Shabbat themes and a feeling of Jewish communal warmth. The next day, I ate lunch in the park with over 20 of my Jewish and gay friends, most religious and some not, but again, a beautiful day. Saturday night I celebrated a friends birthday, and enjoyed the night out. Sunday was the Israeli day parade, but when I came home at around 5 pm, things slowed down.
I went back to my regular life, which right now is time between my school year and my summer job, and consists of hours of television watching, and going out to meet with friends. For me, too much time like this is detrimental. I'm one of those people who needs to be structured and working to feel happy and productive with their daily lives, which I do not have right now. So I sit thinking, staring at the TV and ultimately finding all the things in my life that worry me, stress me out, began to feel hopeless and helpless, and until a few friends helped me out of it, was a very painful time.
But in that time- something stuck out clear as day- weakness. I realized that for all my strength and courage, for all the support so many people in my life give me, I still sometimes feel weak. I feel confused, scared, uncomfortable, worried about so many different things in my life and thought there was no way out. But then I realized that it was okay, and that it was "normal" to struggle and even to hurt sometimes. I wanted to share on the blog, that it's okay to feel sadness and to struggle- because we all do. The important thing is to pick ourselves up and continue being strong, in spite of the struggle and regardless of the troubles we may have.