Thursday, August 25, 2011

One for August, year two

Sorry about the break everyone, but as last summer, I took a month off from blogging to allow myself some personal time and time to reflect on all that has developed in the past year. I attended two weddings of very close friends this summer- and I wanted to share some of my emotions from those experiences.

In the Orthodox community, I was raised to be married by 23, a goal I did not reach, and it was always understood that at the end of college I would settle down and start a married life like so many of my friends have done and are doing. Because I'm gay, what may happen for me some day is not the traditional Modern Orthodox wedding and this used to make me very sad. This is why I used to cry at friend's celebrations, out of sadness. However, this summer a few people helped me realize that whatever wedding I do have will just be another growth and development on my part and on the part of those who choose to share it with me. It may not be the traditional celebration I grew up to know- or the ones my friends had, but I can no longer let that bring me down- because whatever I do have will be more than special enough.

On that note, I finally experienced true tears of joy, instead of sadness. Tears of joy are probably one of the most complicated and incredible emotions a person can experience. As I watched my best friend of ten years walk down the aisle, looking more beautiful than anyone I've ever seen in the world, I felt such joy and happiness that smiling wasn't enough. My smile was from ear to ear, but I had more emotion to express and I began crying. I began sobbing, actually. But I wasn't sad, I wasn't upset, I wasn't jealous, I was just truly happy for my best friend.

Finally, I wanted to share how at many Jewish weddings, the Bride and Groom may privately bless some who attend, to share the purity of their day with their friends. At these two close weddings, I finally got the blessings I had been waiting for after the scores of other wedding blessings I had received. I was blessed to find the one, whomever it may be. I was blessed to find the happiness that every bride and groom find on their wedding day, and I was blessed to continue my life with the pride I've always expressed. And those blessings meant the world to me. No "may you find your path" "may God help you be happy", but just to find happiness and someone to share my life with and do it with strength. Because true love is out there for everyone, and so is happiness- as I have always said. I think that's the essence of our religion and that's the essence of what God wants for His children.


  1. Winkler, I love you but you have too many inconsistencies. I remember reading your blog and hearing you tell people that you had no desire to get married (straight or otherwise), and you also had no plans to ever act on your feelings. You said, and i quote, "it is an abominable act, and even though I am severely conflicted, I will never act to the fullest extent because I am a frum jew."
    I understand the whole "evolving" thing, but you need to understand that it's difficult to take you seriously when you contradict yourself.

    Hugs and kisses,

  2. The above dude is kind of a moron. Ignore him.

  3. Anon 3:58 pm - it's called growth buddy. We all experience it in different ways an at different times. Some don't experience it for many years and make comments that make that abundantly clear. Wishing anon 3:58 pm much growth in the future.

  4. Don't let emotions get in the way of logic- G-d wants you to find happiness but not by entering a homosexual marriage (just like G-d would not want a Jew to find happiness by marrying a Goy, or for a mamzer to find happiness by marrying anyone). Much much easier said then done, but your avoda and life goal is to find happiness in a way in which G-d would share it with you. I wish you much success, stay strong, and make sure to grow in the right direction.

  5. I dont get it, do you feel good that these friends of yours are promoting toeva on YOM KIPPUR! If you really cared for them you would run away from their weddings so they arent forced to deal with you and your tummah!

  6. God, what horrible and mean-spirited comments.

    I, too, have cried tears of sadness at friends' weddings. I wish you happiness and you deserve all the true blessings that you have received from your friends this summer.


It Gets Better- Gay Orthodox Jews