Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Don't judge your friends...

... Until you reach the same point as them.
One of my favorite and all time important lessons for life. Applicable to everyone- but I have to relate it back to my own stories.

Recently, in the argument for change (from gay to straight), I've just needed to say it- loud and proud- Don't tell me what I should do until you've experienced it. Until you've experienced the pain and the suffering and struggle and the depression- don't send me a JONAH pamphlet or tell me to buy Arthur Goldberg's book.

At the YU Seforim Sale where I cashiered, someone picked up Arthur's JONAH book and began to announce what an important book it was and how everyone should read it. Now, I can only assume that this person was not a Jonah member or success story, because those are few and far between. And even if someone does advocate change, I promise reading a book will not 'fix' anything. I promise you the road is much longer and harder than that.

So again, I say, anyone out there who is not gay- never has been, never will be- anyone out there who is upset by the panel or the existence of homosexuality in the Orthodox community, you have no right. You have no right to judge or to tell us what what should do. Until you've experienced it yourself, which, trust me, is the last thing I wish for anyone on this Earth.

13 comments:

  1. ha that's actually hilarious, i picked that book up tonight at clean up and started laughing that someone could ever take that book seriously

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  2. avital... i think i know which one this is... i hate to say it but that just made you seem so stupid... did u even look past the cover? dont let your liberal biases cloud your judgement! Hashem should help you!

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  3. "DB" there were a number of books... one in particular that I was referring to in the post. and Avital seems to have the correct reaction.

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  4. avital how quick you are to judge others, perhaps this books does help people, who are you to tell anyone otherwise. your open-mindness and acceptance of others has to flow both ways, otherwise you're just a hypocrite.

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  5. Hahaha who actually had the gall to announce that to the whole room?! What you shoulda done is got like 10 people to grab other random books at the sale and announce the same thing: "This book, kosher by design, can change you life!" of "This Marvelous Midos Machine movie will do wonders for your sexdrive!" Ad nauseum . :)

    DB: liberal biases cloud your judgment?! HA! If it's not the Nazis who want to censor books then it's the Ultra-right-wing Orthodox Jews. At least Avital wasn't burning it!

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  7. Anon 9:27 keep hiding so everyone else wont take you seriously either!

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  8. DB and Anon 12:30: Being liberal and open-minded doesn't mean accepting all viewpoints, it means giving them a chance. I've thought about it. I've just come to the conclusion that being ungayed is not possible through a book or any other means.

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  9. "I promise you the road is much longer and harder than that." - haha! That's what SHE said!

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  10. I don't think it is fair to claim that the books goal is to change anyone. That is ridiculous accusation because no one with a brain in their head would think a book they write will change someone from gay to straight. Rather, the books objective is to inform, and to direct one to the right resources and information in case they do want to change.

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  11. Knowing this important life lesson, I also hope you would advocate that one should not judge the book or the whole change process until they read it and understand it.

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  12. isn't it ironic...February 18, 2010 at 2:57 AM

    Frum gay- although I'm sure you have heard countless "horror stories" about the work of Jonah from others, what is your experience with Jonah, or any other work surrounding change?
    Have you ever met with a conselor reccomended by Jonah? participated in any of the weekly groups? Have you read Arthur's book (and I don't mean a quick glance, but actually read it- from start to finish). In fact, have you ever met Arthur?

    You see, the point you make about not judging others "until you've reached the same point as them" is very telling- according to your logic, unless one has had an actual, personal experience, which precludes the second-hand information from friends etc.., then one would not be able to judge the situation in a fair, authentic way...

    Therefore, how can you, with full honesty, decry the work of Jonah?

    Please correct me if i'm wrong

    P.s- I'm gay, so you could say that i've "experienced it".

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  13. No no Anon 7:50 you got it all wrong.... that what HE SAID!!

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