Sunday, June 13, 2010

Please, Please, Please

Something that I have attempted to teach throughout my posts is tolerance. It doesn't matter who you are, what your religious beliefs are, what your sexuality is, or the color of your skin- God put each and every one of us on this earth, and we all deserve to be treated with respect. So I ask you- if a good friend of yours came out to you, what would you do? How would you react? Pretend it's the last person on earth you would expect- your best friend of life who is also the straightest acting person you've ever dealt with- what would you do? Would you treat that person with the same respect you always have?

I ask this question to every person who reads this blog. And even more importantly I ask this to every person who is planning, at any point in the future, to have children. What would you do if your son or daughter told you they were gay? How would you help them through the struggle? How would you attempt to rectify your religious beliefs with the way they are and how would you help them with their religious struggle? Because for the next generation, as sexuality finally becomes more accepted, it is imperative for any couple planning to have children to consider this first. Make sure you're on the same page as your spouse, make sure you would have a clear picture of what would happen.

Because, too often, parents and friends are caught off guard when someone they know and love comes out to them. Would you love and respect that person the same way you always did? Please, please, please, think about these things as you face new challenges on a daily basis. And think about the challenges a gay Jew faces and imagine someone you love struggling the same way and what you would do to help them be happy.

19 comments:

  1. I imagine and hope I would love and respect my child unconditionally, but what do you mean by "how would you attempt to rectify your religious beliefs?"

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  2. If a gay guy came out to me I would be willing to give him a blow job if he was open about it. Gay guys are awesome ^.^

    What does "tolerance" mean? I have no idea what that word means. I can tolerate the pain after hit in some game but what does it mean to "tolerate" that someone who is different from me? I can either say that I accept that someone is different from me and not care about it, or I can make a big deal about it and reject my communication from him. But what does it mean to "tolerate" him? It makes no sense to me.

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  3. is there no editing on this blog!?! i found Spinoza's first line highly inappropriate for a blog authored and commented on by mature people.

    Spinoza admitted he is mad and crazy on the last post. so i guess it is ok for him.

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  4. why dont you treat me with respect?

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  5. The first question you ask is one I wonder about all the time. What would my close Orthodox friends say? What would they think?

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  6. anon 10:07, many ppl have trouble with religion and homosexuality, so if a person doesn't encounter it in their own lives, they may not find difficulty. but if a child or loved one encounters such a struggle, it may then cause some discomfort in the religion/homosexuality conundrum.
    anon 10:52 there is editing, I just like to see what Baruch has to say- and he's a unique (albeit creepy) opinion.
    anon 11:21, i apologize profusely for any mistreatment I have done to you. as i have written in previous blogs- if any of my friends have a problem with me, I hope they'd be able to come to me and talk about it- not just post anonymously.
    anon 12:04- it's a good question, and the reason i wrote this post.

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  7. "i found Spinoza's first line highly inappropriate for a blog authored and commented on by mature people.":

    Oooh, maturity, what is maturity? Some arbitrary made up standards by which adults have to communicate with. I know, I am not mature, but who even cares?

    The best way to accept a gay friend after he opens up to you is by bending over and actually accepting him inside you. Instead of a gay friend opening his mouth to tell you his feelings open up your mouth and accept his cock. Now you might feel that this is immoral, I certainly do not feel this way. But you cannot deny that my method will have the most positive effect on any gay guy opening up. Because the gay will actually know that you like him and care for him. I am not saying immediately start having sex with him the moment he opens up, I am saying to ask him out on a date, so that he will know you really accept his homosexuality and it does not bother you. Besides he might enjoy a date with a good friend of his. My method, though strange by most standars, has a lot of positive results to it, whether you admit it or not.

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  8. ummmm mr spinoza, are you gay? since for straight people you can't really expect them to employ such a tactic!

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  9. haha thanks McGreevey, and spinoza let's tone down the graphic discussion of explicit sexual acts please?

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  10. McGreevey: No I am not gay, I am a bisexual. I never had a boyfriend, though it would be nice.

    FrumGay: Sorry about being graphic, but I am being serious in my proposal. If a gay person comes out to you, and you want to show to him that you accept him, an excellent way to do this is to ask him out on a date. Let me ask you a question. Suppose you were a friend of mine and you came out to me as gay. How would you feel if I offered to take you out on a date and have some fun with you? (I am not talking intimacy, I know you are halachically agaisnt that, but what if I asked you out on a fun date)?

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  11. what about tolerating opinions that go against yours? (i.e. anti gay panel... rav twersky)

    why no tolerance for that? where does tolerance start and end?

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  12. I would be 100% supportive of any friend or child of mine who came out. If that friend were Orthodox, I would encourage him or her to seriously look into whether Orthodox Judaism is actually true with the goal of setting them free from a religion that teaches homophobia and forbids the true expression of gay love.

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  13. Re. Spinoza's suggestion, I don't think that's a good idea at all. Nothing like that happened when I came out to my friends, but it would have been very confusing. The person who comes out wants to be reassured that the relationship with his friend will remain as it was; throwing in a "fun date" just messes things up.

    Re. DB's comment, the way I see it tolerance is about respecting people and allowing them to differ. In a broader sense, it can mean maintaining contact with someone in spite of an important difference of opinion. That doesn't mean that all opinions are equally good or respectable; some people can be better informed, less prejudiced, etc. The tolerant attitude would be to listen to what the other person has to say, and explain why you disagree.

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  14. Spinoza, with all due respect, that is not a good suggestion. Even if someone came out to me who was the same sex as me, and there was mutual attraction, a date or sex would not comfort this individual.
    Either way, this post wasn't for people who are comfortable with sexuality, or homosexuality, but for the more close minded people and future parents and friends to think about what they would do having never dealt with homosexuality before and now having it right before them in a friend or in a child.

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  15. Something to really think about for our next generation of children ! Good Blog Ely ! Keep it going!!!!

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  16. FrumGay: I know I am getting off topic, sorry about that, but I wanted to ask you how you would feel. Suppose you came out to one of your good friends whom you had an attractio nt. How would you feel if he accepted you by dating you? Can you introspect and say how you would feel? Perhaps, I am wrong and you would feel strange, but I think you might like it as most others would too.

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  17. (same anonymous as 10:10 above)
    I'd feel strange, not comforted, and even slightly insulted. But maybe it's just me.

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  18. Sorry Spinoza, I would just want help, encouragement, and moral support. Not a date or sex, i don't think i'd be ready for that if i was struggling.

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  19. FrumGay: If it makes you feel better then you have my moral support ^.^

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