I'd first like to address some of the readers- this blog is for me to express and teach and open the eyes and make aware for my friends, and for people who care to know what's going on in my life. I'm writing for me.
I'd like to discuss 'the closet' for a minute. I spent most of my life in the closet. My life in the closet was about finding others in similar situations- other people in the closet. When I heard of someone out of the closet, I wondered how in the world they did it, and I also wanted nothing to do with them. That was too scary and too real. So now that I'm out of the closet- it's very very difficult for me to look back in there. And I know that's rude and selfish, but it's hard for me to put myself back in those old shoes of being hidden. I wonder why doesn't everyone in the closet come to me? I can help, I've been there, I don't out you. But i also try to remember I've been there and I can't expect them to face their greatest fear- of coming out to someone.
I also try now, out of the closet, not to judge those still in the closet. Do I look around me on a daily basis and wonder- is he gay? is she gay? is that one gay? Yes, I wonder that every day about almost everyone I meet. Some are easier to figure out some are more difficult. BUT my biggest struggle now is probably this behavior. It's not my business if someone else is gay, if someone is still in the closet. It's their struggle and they will hopefully, with Gods help, figure it out. I'm sorry for those that I have misjudged or judged at all- and I hope you figure it all out. I'm really working on not driving myself crazy to know whether or not you're gay, but just know I really just always want to help and to talk which is where my questioning comes from. But it's not right. You will figure it out.