Sunday, November 8, 2009

The proverbial 'Closet'

I'd first like to address some of the readers- this blog is for me to express and teach and open the eyes and make aware for my friends, and for people who care to know what's going on in my life. I'm writing for me.

I'd like to discuss 'the closet' for a minute. I spent most of my life in the closet. My life in the closet was about finding others in similar situations- other people in the closet. When I heard of someone out of the closet, I wondered how in the world they did it, and I also wanted nothing to do with them. That was too scary and too real. So now that I'm out of the closet- it's very very difficult for me to look back in there. And I know that's rude and selfish, but it's hard for me to put myself back in those old shoes of being hidden. I wonder why doesn't everyone in the closet come to me? I can help, I've been there, I don't out you. But i also try to remember I've been there and I can't expect them to face their greatest fear- of coming out to someone.

I also try now, out of the closet, not to judge those still in the closet. Do I look around me on a daily basis and wonder- is he gay? is she gay? is that one gay? Yes, I wonder that every day about almost everyone I meet. Some are easier to figure out some are more difficult. BUT my biggest struggle now is probably this behavior. It's not my business if someone else is gay, if someone is still in the closet. It's their struggle and they will hopefully, with Gods help, figure it out. I'm sorry for those that I have misjudged or judged at all- and I hope you figure it all out. I'm really working on not driving myself crazy to know whether or not you're gay, but just know I really just always want to help and to talk which is where my questioning comes from. But it's not right. You will figure it out.


  1. You answered your own question there, people who are in the closet are not going to want anything to do with you because youre out, same way you didnt talk to out people when youre in the closet.

    Constantly trying to figure out who is gay and who isnt is pointless and exhausting, focus more on setting an example so that gay people can look up to you and feel like they could confide in you if they wanted to.

    I think you can be sure that some closeted yu guys will be reading your blog. This entry makes it sound like you judge them, even though you say you try not to. Would hearing something like that make you want to come out to someone?

    This blog is a great opportunity for people to be able to reach out to you, so be sensitive to the kind of message youre sending out with it. If you dont care about that because the blog is about your personal experiences thats fine, but you cant complain about people not coming out to you when you write things that might make them even less comfortable coming out to you than they already are.

  2. thanks anon.
    i didn't mean to sound insensitive. I do completely understand why its hard to approach someone, and trust someone out of the closet, and i do NOT judge others in the closet. I try and figure out who they are- yes- and thats a fault of my own that i own up to here. its not something i felt i needed to not write b/c of scaring people away.

  3. It's so interesting how can you be frum and gay at the same time???

  4. FG- Can you possibly answer Sophies question? I think she needs to hear your thoughts on this question.

  5. I think the whole blog addresses Sophie's question. I'm glad she finds my situation "interesting".

  6. I'm bisexual and am pretty much in the closet. Do you have any advice?


It Gets Better- Gay Orthodox Jews