I received a number of very interesting comments from people who I can only call blog friends, in response to various other posts. Let me preempt by saying thank you to all of you for reading, and I respect all your thoughts an opinions.
I love being Jewish. I have always been and will always be Jewish. I am Orthodox/frum, I love being frum, it's all I've ever known and I love it. I've tried not keeping Shabbos or strict Kosher for (very) brief periods of time and seriously it was not for me. Not just weird, but it felt wrong. I love my religion and I would sooner give up being gay than give up being religious. I know it doesn't make a lot of sense to a lot of you, but to me it does.
If given the choice, I would not be gay. Now before you jump down my throats and warn me that I'm being self-hating and only hurting myself just hear me out. I love me, I love all aspects of me, I love being Jewish, I love being gay. But if given the choice, I would not choose to be gay. I do not know in five years if I will be with anyone and that’s really really difficult. If i was straight that wouldn’t be the case. If I find a guy to be with and maybe even lvev with somewhere down the road will I even be able to raise an orthodox child with two gay dads? Not in the world we live in right now. But either way, is that it? will that be it for me, for my potential, for my life?
I love being Orthodox, and I love being gay.