Sunday, October 25, 2009

What I did

just for update purposes- THE STRESS IS (SORTA) OVER :-) anyway......

The past 15 months or so, out of the closet, have been a unique experience for me, but an experience I wouldn't have any other way. For me to be happy, I had to come out inorder to accept who I was and stop lying to everyone else. But I was not prepared for what followed.
The talking about me, the comments, the looks, and the phone calls, textys and IMs from friends 'is it true?'. Okay so maybe i expected that much. But i thought it would subside, at some point and it did- with my friends- but everywhere i went i would say all of my junior year of college- i felt like one label followed me around: gay. and that was not wha i (thought)i had signed up for.
At then end of last year i ran for student office, yes, a big deal, but i didn't want it to be a big deal. I didnt want to be the gay president in YU, i wanted to be 'vote for wink'. and i won the elections
and this year, the past four months have been about showing ppl that there is a lot more to me than my sexuality. especially in student office, i think it was the best thing i could do post-coming out, to show ppl now that you all know im gay- here are the other things i can do.
And i wouldnt have done it any other way.


  1. I was surprised when I heard about it, too, but I wasn't going to ask you; I think complete acceptance is the only way about these things, no questions asked. And you want to know something? I still see you as my half-year roommate, and the dude who made that awesome Sukkah-party-reunion with Shraga guys. I only wish I had known so I could have helped a bit.


  3. Your blog was forwarded to me by a friend of mine. Interesting stuff--as an openly lesbian Jew (although not frum or orthodox) I am constantly thinking about religion and sexuality. I know how difficult some things must be for you, but I think you being out is great--for you and for your community. Good luck and thanks for sharing!

    definitely a noble causee

  5. Just read about you on Chana's blog. My heart goes out to people like you who suffer unnecessarily. I grew up Orthodox and it is my honest belief that it is 100% untrue. There is no God and he did not write or dictate or inspire the Torah. The words of Leviticus were written by mere mortals a couple of thousands of years ago and should no more keep you from finding and experiencing love (and/or sex) than the Book of Mormon should.

    I've been around Orthodoxy and Orthodox Jews long enough to know I'm never going to convince someone who doesn't want to be convinced (unless they're unusually intellectually honest AND curious) but I really, truly believe that the case is a slam dunk if you are willing to consider it.

    There's just no good reason for you to live a life of suffering and deprivation. I hope you realize that sooner rather than later.

    Feel free to email me, and good luck.

  6. Hi FG. I found your blog through JA's blog who found it through Chana's blog. (This internet thing seems to be working) and I just blogged a link to your site. I certainly sympathize with your struggle, and I hope you have the strength and wisdom to find meaning and peace.

    I have a question that I would be interested in your thoughts on -- maybe a topic for a future post. What is your thoughts on the more liberal end of Judaism like Conservative and Reform?

    Obviously, it would not make sense to move to a different demonination that you thought was not an authentic form of Judaism simply to make things easier on yourself. But if you did view them as authentic, it might be a good option.

    Conservative Judaism, as least, tends to view halacha as more malleable than Orthodoxy does. This does not mean that people can simply disregard things because of convenience. But we have learned more over time about all sorts of things. So in light of modern science, one can (and perhaps is forced to) read the creation and flood stories as myth, not as history or science.

    I think the same is true of halacha. (I have blogged about a halachic argument for the flexibility of halacha using the Daughters of Zelophechad story - see

    and a discussion of a critical response here:

    We learn more, and halacha has to be revised, and sometimes even discarded, in light of new knowledge.

    Of course, this is not Orthodoxy. But your struggles illustrate too sharply the deep problems associated with the Orthodox approach to halacha.

    Any thoughts would be appreciated.

  7. i got linked to your blog from another Jewish blog, and I really empathize with you. I'm not frum, but I consider myself fairly religious and observant, and coming to grips with my own orientation helped to strengthen my ties to Judaism and G-d.

    I can't recommend strongly enough that you read Rabbi Steven Greenberg's book, Wrestling with God and Men. He's an Orthodox rabbi who makes a brilliant, creative, and dare I say "orthodox" reading of the two difficult verses in Leviticus, and that helped me to square away the tradition with the way in which G-d created me.

    He also has some great resources for working and talking with other people who don't buy into his own interpretation. Please, read it and write about it on this blog, I think you'll find it tremendously helpful. Even if you don't agree with him, it still think reading it will help you to get a better understanding of how homosexuality fits in with the tradition.


It Gets Better- Gay Orthodox Jews