So it happens that the Rabbi didn't give us clear instruction as to what to be responsible for- and off the cuff, and with help from my fellow group-mates, I randomly remembered the tune for the Megillah Kohelet and whipped out 8 chapters of that... also called up the Chasan Torah Chasan Breishis. Also got annoyed when the Rabbi didn't do certain things right. UGHHHH.
Why do I know all these things? Why do I get frustrated b/c the person reading the Torah was 14 and mispronounced half the words? It's frustrating for me to know that I care so much.
Once upon a time i wanted to be a Rabbi. Judaism is a huge passion of mine. But i always just wanted to be the cool kid, or the one who blended in (and by blend in i mean sit in the back of the shul and talk, and not care about what was going on up front). and definitely not the jewey one. So am I cool? Am I the Jewey nerd? Am I both? Am I neither?
And does being gay have to relate to any of these and mean that I can't be involved in a shul or can't be a Gabai or even Rabbi even if I choose to be celibate but still out of the closet?