Non-Sequitur

I'm feeling stressed. Obviously, it's finals right? No. I'm a senior, thank God finals are pretty okay this year. But socially, I feel like I have a million people that I want to be with in a million different places at a million different times. And while, ideally, I would like to satisfy all of them, I just try do what makes me the happiest, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. While it may not be fair of me to flip-flop from group A to family back to group A and then to group B, maybe it's not fair for me to obligate myself to be in so many places at one time?

I'm not saying this to sounds haughty, even though I know it does. I say this because it hurts me on the inside, makes me very upset and almost irreconcilable sometimes when I know I'm letting friends down. So when I make plans to do three things one night, and satisfy four different parties, and I end up doing only one or two of those things, it makes me very uncomfortable in my own skin, I just want to go back in time and fix everything that went wrong. And sometimes I just need to stick with one group at a time and focus on the people that currently fit the best into my life right now. And while that may be selfish, I know how much I do try to be involved in every group- even though it doesn't always work out.

Sometimes there are things I really want to do, but don't have time for or can't do them, and it upsets me. The problem is I end up upsetting myself by not hanging out with you because I really do want to hang out with you. It's just not so easy sometimes. And I hate how sad it makes me when I can't plan for 28 hours in the day, as well as to have a car, and be able to be where I want to be exactly when I want to be there. In fact, it sucks. I just have to try and get through it and make sure to stay happy? Sometimes I just need to challenge myself, and help myself grow, and writing this out should totally help. So thanks for listening.

TV Viewing

For my first blog, I'd rather not get to the nitty-gritty of things. Just wanted to discuss what's been going on with me and TV these days. TV used to be an escape, something I could use to run away from all my other thoughts and things for a half hour or an hour. UNtil it became a social outlet. Networking, facebooking, tweeting, and discussing TV with random ppl I didn't know on random websites. Not only did it become way too intense, it became ridiculous. I was watching shows JUST so I could talk to other ppl about them, not because I enjoyed them. Also, shows that I did enjoy were no longer good because I would watch them as a critic- this camera angle, that acting technique, instead just as an escape it would stress me out if I missed a show or that I had so much to watch- completely backfiring on everything I watch TV for. So now I'm giving up a few- Heroes, The Hills, and Smallville is low on the totem poll. Although that still leaves like 15 shows, I'm definitely rethinking the way I enjoy TV. that's all for the next few minutes at leas.t I'm excited to write more- I have a lot to say.