Monogamy (My Future)

This may be my least ‘sensical’ and most ‘opinionated’ post. I don’t have facts, I don't have stats, I just have experience. I started graduate school about four months ago, a profession dominated by women and gay men. I thought I could meet some cute guys and enjoy the social experience in addition to the educational experience. That’s definitely holding true- but I realized that almost none of the men are single.

Even though a lot of them are gay, most of them are taken and in committed relationships. Similarly, I have awesome neighbors in a committed (gay) relationship. But this shouldn’t be possible! When I came out, or when I was struggling in high school, all I heard was- you don’t want that lifestyle- no one is truly happy, gay and lesbian individuals, specifically, don’t settle down- they live a life of misery, alone. Well I’m here to tell you, purely based of my experiences- that is not true. Homosexuals are just as capable of building stable lives, with friends and families, just like any heterosexual couple. For some of you this may be obvious, but for many people who grew up, like myself, hearing that homosexuals are never happy, never find stability, and definitely don’t settle down- just had to say it’s false.

I do hope to have a family one day, even a religious one. I think that a partner and I can raise children in the Orthodox world better than many of today’s parents and couples, and hopefully half as decent as my siblings do it- they’re the most incredible parents ever, all of them. As far as community- I know Yeshiva’s that will accept my children, and what more can I hope for? Will my child/children be made fun of? Perhaps, but what child isn’t? I also want to live in Israel, where I know other religious gay couples building families and lives. Everyone’s home lives are different- divorced parents, non-Kosher homes- all my friends growing up had their own story “in” the Orthodox world. My kids will have their own story.

Some Honesty

I received a number of very interesting comments from people who I can only call blog friends, in response to various other posts. Let me preempt by saying thank you to all of you for reading, and I respect all your thoughts an opinions.
I love being Jewish. I have always been and will always be Jewish. I am Orthodox/frum, I love being frum, it's all I've ever known and I love it. I've tried not keeping Shabbos or strict Kosher for (very) brief periods of time and seriously it was not for me. Not just weird, but it felt wrong. I love my religion and I would sooner give up being gay than give up being religious. I know it doesn't make a lot of sense to a lot of you, but to me it does.

If given the choice, I would not be gay. Now before you jump down my throats and warn me that I'm being self-hating and only hurting myself just hear me out. I love me, I love all aspects of me, I love being Jewish, I love being gay. But if given the choice, I would not choose to be gay. I do not know in five years if I will be with anyone and that’s really really difficult. If i was straight that wouldn’t be the case. If I find a guy to be with and maybe even lvev with somewhere down the road will I even be able to raise an orthodox child with two gay dads? Not in the world we live in right now. But either way, is that it? will that be it for me, for my potential, for my life?

I love being Orthodox, and I love being gay.