So it happens that the Rabbi didn't give us clear instruction as to what to be responsible for- and off the cuff, and with help from my fellow group-mates, I randomly remembered the tune for the Megillah Kohelet and whipped out 8 chapters of that... also called up the Chasan Torah Chasan Breishis. Also got annoyed when the Rabbi didn't do certain things right. UGHHHH.
Why do I know all these things? Why do I get frustrated b/c the person reading the Torah was 14 and mispronounced half the words? It's frustrating for me to know that I care so much.
Once upon a time i wanted to be a Rabbi. Judaism is a huge passion of mine. But i always just wanted to be the cool kid, or the one who blended in (and by blend in i mean sit in the back of the shul and talk, and not care about what was going on up front). and definitely not the jewey one. So am I cool? Am I the Jewey nerd? Am I both? Am I neither?
And does being gay have to relate to any of these and mean that I can't be involved in a shul or can't be a Gabai or even Rabbi even if I choose to be celibate but still out of the closet?
The curse of the rabbi's boys my friend. Doesn't matter what you do, you will always be jewey and will always hum the proper melodies to the davening when the klei kodesh mess up. Doesn't matter how you dress, what you listen to, or what you drink on Mach Hach get togethers. Once a PK always a PK. Being openly gay clearly won't change the way you feel, and in my opinion shouldn't restrict you from being an active member of not only a Jewish community, but a shul as well (although let's face it, it'd be a HUGE challenge to be a gay Orthodox rabbi for non-gay members. There's just too many complications). You know the job better than most, why shouldn't you participate? For some strange reason, gays are viewed upon as "untouchables," while the crooked businessmen, adulterers, etc. might not necessarily be so bad that we would need to deny them an aliyah. I'm just spit balling, but I think that being gay is just more taboo than anything else, and that makes all the difference. Either way, keep up the writing and the good fight.
ReplyDeleteit's jewy...not jewey!
ReplyDeleteyou always have cared and u always will, cuz that is who u are, and how u have always acted. ur a good guy - keep it up.
ReplyDeletebeing "out" is different than being an adulterer an adulterer is only one once he has acted on that, for instance a known 'flirter' is looked down upon but not refused aliot an 'loud and proud adulterer' should definitely not get an aliyah. Having the desire and not acting on it is not unacceptable, there are many who have enjoyed the smell of bacon and shrimp.
ReplyDeleteDaJoy, adulterers do tend to stray more than once, and keep it to themselves, just the fact that I am out, shouldn't put me in a category different than said adulterers. Further, no one in any community has any right to think, even if they know I'm gay, that I am daily/weekly or ever have had a sexual relationship with a member of the same gender. I know being 'celibate' would be ideal, but is that really possible? especially in such an age of sex and promiscuity?
ReplyDeleteI feel like you are saying two different things on one hand your saying yes adulterers which is ussur should not get an aliyah and should not be given special consideration for their feelings, and should not be welcomed by the community, yet that while we should of course give you the benefit of the doubt about what you are/are not have/have not done (which I absolutely do as should be) are you asking that b/c you live in a place where a certain avairah is normalized is ok that we should not expect that and that should be ok?
ReplyDeleteYou are a Torah Jew that is your reason, seeking chizuk is a good thing you clearly have the motivation for that goal.
FG-
ReplyDeleteif you saw the movie Trembling before Gd you will see a Rabbi interviewed who is gay, and who is accepted.
Follow your dreams, dont let anything stop you.