Something that always bothered me about homosexuality- whether in high school, when I was in the closet or when I came out 2 and a half years ago- is how funny it is. Let me explain. In most institutions that I went to, Jewish High School and college, being gay was funny. Being gay is funny. It's hilarious. For many straight men, and I can't speak for women because I don't know, being gay is hilarious- it's cool to inappropriately touch other men, it's funny to walk around holding another guy's hand or speaking with a lisp.
But I want to explain something- being gay is not funny. In fact, every time something like that happened in high school or any other time while I was in the closet, it made me uncomfortable. It made me hurt, because they were laughing not because being gay was an enjoyable pastime, but because it was a joke. But for me it wasn't a joke, for me it was reality. And when I was in the closet and someone would do something stereotypically gay to make fun of "the gays", it hurt me because they were making fun of me.
Now that I'm out of the closet it doesn't hurt, because I'm happy with who I am and if you want to make fun of me that's your choice. All the more so, I know that when someone makes fun of someone else they're usually doing it because of insecurities within themselves, especially the older someone gets, because a person should be free to live as they choose, and others should never be judging them. But anyway, what doesn't hurt when I see making fun, is that to this day, I know that there are people still in the closet suffering in silence like I did for so many years, who are still hurt when people or "friends" run around, pretending to be gay, making funny jokes about being gay. Because when people make fun of someone else, they're essentially putting them beneath themselves, like gay people are less than them, and their feelings don't matter. And that's just not true.
very nicely said!
ReplyDeleteThe older I get, the more aware I am of how the media will purposely trivialize a minority group that is found threatening for whatever reason by mocking that group: action films with hilarious, fast-talking African American sidekick, romantic comedies with the ridiculous gay best friend, and sitcoms with the overly-sexual and humorous Latino. Not only do these films/shows reinforce stereotypes, they delegitimize the humanness and seriousness of different minority groups. This then makes these groups more palatable for people who do not wish to lose their place of dominance as the ruling majority. Sometimes it is subconscious, but this trend does exist in our society.
ReplyDeleteI think this is an excellent post as I believe that many people are at fault for mocking a stereotype at some point in their life. We don't understand how hurtful that can be. However, I do have a question that has always intrigued me, and it is not limited to homosexual stereotypes, nor am I trying to insult anyone. Why is it, for example, that there are some men who take on a "lisp" as you said, when they come out of the closet, if they never spoke like that before? Just as I'd find it unprofessional for my black doctor to speak Ebonics to me while discussing my diagnosis, I too would find it unprofessional in some ways if my doctor was stereotypically gay. I recognize as I am writing this that this may sound horribly condescending and rude, but that is not my intention at all. I would expect my friends to be shocked one day if I started speaking with a British accent. Can you offer an insight as to why you believe these stereotypes (such as a lisp) occur?
ReplyDelete"I can't speak for women because I don't know."
ReplyDeleteI know. And it's just as "funny." In a different way, of course. For women, there are the constant jokes about how you're a girl, and girls are close, so hahaha because it's okay if you're gay or bi because girls are just like that. And then there are the stereotypes about being butch, which I especially don't find funny for two reasons. The first is that I'm not- I like make up and dressing up pretty and being "feminine"- and the second is that if I was, why would that give anyone the right to make fun of me for it?
These things bother me. They hurt. Even the slightest thing. Even someone saying, "Wow, that's so gay." Not just on my part, but because of my friends too, and every other LGBTQ person, in the closet or out, who are hearing these "jokes" and hurting because of them.
ONE CANNOT BE GAY AND RELIGIOUS AT THE SAME TIME . TO BE SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO THE SAME SEX OR BOTH SEXES AS DEFINED AS BEING BISEXUAL , CLEARLY DICTATES A DYSFUNTIONAL MIND AND PROMISCUITY. WHEN AN INDIVIDUAL BECOMES SO WARPED IN HIS BEHAVIOR AND VIEWS HOMOSEXUALITY ; LESBIANISM ; BISEXULITY AND BEASTIALITY AS A SOCIONORM AND VIOLATE OTHERS WITH THIS PHILOSOPHY; THEN WE HETEROSEXUALS DRAW THE LINE.
ReplyDeleteWow! Seriously?! To the obnoxious comment above me...
ReplyDeleteNot only are you not even man enough to post a comment without being anonymous, but for someone who knows NOTHING (clearly) about a certain subject or topic, you sure as hell have a strong opinion! Your opinion is completely warped and messed up, keep it to yourself!
Obviously you have such a closed up heart and judging another Jew is one of the WORST things one can do. So if you honestly think God loves you more than homosexuals, you are 100% WRONG.
One cannot be a close-minded bigot who hasn't actually read anything that Ely has written and claim to know what it means to be a religious person. Ely is talking about acceptance. You can accept someone for their differences without recognizing certain actions as being in line with religious practice. And, had you read Ely's previous blogs, you would know that he is fully aware of what is and what is not against Jewish law. And please, for the sake of human kind, do not lump all heterosexuals into a category that adheres to your idea of societal norms.
ReplyDeleteI'm not quite sure who you've been talking to, or where you've been getting your information from. But you should probably go speak to someone, maybe a licensed psychologist, someone educated at least, who can tell you that homosexuality and bisexuality do not "dictate a dysfunctional mind and promiscuity," nor are they at all the same as (nor can they be compared with) bestiality.
ReplyDeleteFurthermore, there is nothing in the Torah or any other Jewish sources that says that you are not allowed to be gay, or that you cannot be gay and religious. Anyone can build a relationship with God, regardless of their sexual orientation.
I wouldn't want to touch that line you drew with a ten foot pole.
Guys, he's not even worth responding to. Leave it be.
ReplyDeleteActually, anonymous, the sages never said one's proclivity towards a sinful behavior was actually a sin. In fact it is often viewed as a test from HKB"H. For instance the temptation to commit adultery is not an aveo, but actually doing so is. This may come as a surprise to you, but generally speaking straight men do not find only one woman on the face of the earth attractive. Were that it were so, it would make the shadkin's job so much easier. If this were not the case you would not find the traditions of being shomer negiah or shomer ayin. Now, as you know the only torah verse we are talking about is from Leviticus. This posach has always been interpreted by the rabbis to mean a specific sexual activity sometimes engaged in by two men. It is not even a requirement, nor does performing it make you gay (just ask any lifer in the american prison system, but please be sure not to drop the soap). There are many other things that two men can do that are not specifically prohibited and can be part of a rich meaningful life. As regards lesbians, the Shulchan Aruch defines lesbian sex as anything but, even decreeing that a lesbian can marry a Cohen. Now, to your argument that being bisexual of necessity includes promiscuity. Well I hate to say it, but you're wrong. Promiscuity is defined as having sex with multiple partners in a given time period. Having sexual attraction for two people of the opposite gender does not make you promiscuous, having sexual relations with two people of the opposite gender does. It boils down to basic semantics.
ReplyDeleteOne final point. There has never been a ruling that sinners cannot be counted in the minyan. If it were so, I highly doubt there would be a minyan in any shul, and since your post clearly violates the principles of Ohev Yisroel, then you too would not be counted.
Hey, Ely, voice from your past here. Your redheaded roommate from Landers, many moons ago. We caught up on Power Rangers, once. Ring a bell? :-)
ReplyDeleteAnyway, just so you know, here's a common conversation I find myself having every now and then.
Random Dumb Guy: Blah, blah, there's no such thing as a frum person who's really gay. They're just trying to imitate the goyim.
Me: Yes, there is. I had a gay roommate who was frum.
RDG: No you didn't. It's not true.
Me: It is true. He's out in the open. He's got a blog. Why would anyone do that if it weren't true?
RDG: OMG, REALLY? Like, REALLY gay?? Did he ever--
Me: No.
RDG: So, he probably had major problems with Yiddishkeit and he--
Me: No, he didn't. He was a normal frum guy leading a normal frum life and he just happened to be gay. It exists, and much more than you think it does.
So, my point is, no mockery here. You aren't and never have been the butt of any jokes in my mind; quite the opposite. You've been my springboard to opening people's eyes to their own ignorance. Just so you know.
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ReplyDeleteONE CANNOT BE GAY AND RELIGIOUS AT THE SAME TIME . TO BE SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO THE SAME SEX
OR BOTH SEXES AS DEFINED AS BEING BISEXUAL , CLEARLY DICTATES A DYSFUNTIONAL MIND AND PROMISCUITY. WHEN AN INDIVIDUAL BECOMES SO WARPED IN HIS BEHAVIOR AND VIEWS HOMOSEXUALITY ; LESBIANISM ; BISEXULITY AND BEASTIALITY AS A SOCIONORM AND VIOLATE OTHERS WITH THIS PHILOSOPHY; THEN WE HETEROSEXUALS DRAW THE LINE.
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To whoever wrote this,
This is extremely hurtful. A Jew is a Jew. I don't care who you're attracted to. As a Jew, you should spend less time judging, and probably, for your sake, more time working on accepting other people.
Also,
I agree with what Ely said. Many people make fun of topics or different types of people when they do not understand them. I partially blame the Jewish High Schools for not acknowledging or being open about such things. I secondly, blame immaturity.
Making jokes about people who commit suicide, people who cut themselves, annorexia, bulemia, gay's, or whatever it is you feel the need to poke fun at ... People go through it all. People shouldn't be judged. Everyone has issues, everyone struggles, everyone hurts, but judging someone, or making fun of someone only leaves them more helpless than before.
And really, as a Jew, learn to accept!!