When
I came out, it wasn’t for anyone but myself. I came out to be true to who I
was, because there was something inside of me that kept me from being myself around those I cared about most. Little did I know, coming out
in the Orthodox community, and starting a blog, would change me forever.
Call
me naïve, call me ignorant, call me what you will, but I honestly believed
coming out wouldn’t change me at all. I was always gay; I was just letting
people know at this point. I didn’t think about repercussions, but more than
that, I didn’t think that there would even be repercussions. I didn’t think
that within days I’d have numerous emails, text messages, and Facebook messages
all with the same three words: “is it true?”
So I started a blog. I started a blog not to change the face of Orthodoxy and homosexuality, but simply so I could stop answering questions day in and day out- how’d you come out, why’d you come out, “is it true”. So instead, all those answers can be found in the last 120 or so postings.
However, I soon learned an important lesson. Coming out was intended to be for me, to find my own inner peace, sense of self and happiness, and translate those emotions through my blog. Eventually, though, the blog transformed my coming out and my story, into the resource for all things religious and gay and I had all the answers and everyone should read my blog. The community began to talk and it became clear to me that what I had just done, changed the face of YU and of modern Orthodoxy because there had been so few who had done this before me.
The greater impact of coming out was not on myself, but apparently, on those around me. I let the blog take a life of it's own, and become a resource for those seeking answers. But there
was never an intention to change the community or the world. And I lost sight
of that after writing for a few months. I wrote as if I spoke for everyone, as
if my word should change the world and as if I speak for all gay Jews. Looking back on this process, I understand now more than ever, that my writing is
just for me and never intended to represent anyone else.
