I'm not going to lie. It's not easy to sit in synagogue listening to the reader clearly pronounce "Thou shalt not lie with a man as one lies with a woman." Year after year. When I was in the closet I would look around, hoping no one was looking at me, knowing my darkest secret and calling me out on it. Of course, that never happened. Now, it's a completely different story, and I sit in the synagogue with my head held high, or asleep as I usually am during the Torah reading (lol).
Why would I leave? Well, the Torah is once again denouncing "who I am". But in actuality, it's denouncing only an action- that a man may not lie with another man- which I agree with, because it's the law. It doesn't make sense to believe in it, because I'm gay, but as an Orthodox Jew I believe in the Torah and everything it says. Anything otherwise would be sacrilege. I don't have a problem with what is written, mostly because it's there, it's written and there's nothing I can do about it. The same way I feel that I'm gay, it's there and there's nothing I can do about that. However, if I was called up to the Torah for the section where that verse is written I would probably turn down the "honor" as I would rather not be in the spotlight for the verse, either.
There have been many interpretations of the verse over the past 3,000 years. The most commonly accepted interpretation is the literal prohibition of anal sex, but there are other opinions. Another opinion is the verse uses language it uses elsewhere to refer to forced intercourse, so some say that the prohibition is only if the act was forced. So those are some options.
Somehow, I try to keep the two in mind at all times and not run away from either. I'm not picking one over the other, and even stepping out for that one verse would symbolize my sexuality over my religion and I don't feel that way.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
It Gets Better- Part II
A few weeks ago, the "It Gets Better" Project that I had the privilege to be involved in, released a book, with transcripts from the best "It Gets Better" videos and stories that were shared online. This was done by the creator of the project, Dan Savage. Dan and his partner Terry had a book signing at Barnes and Noble that I went to, and was able to meet them after, along with my fellow gay Orthodox Jews who shared there story in the video with me. I wanted to share this experience with you, because it was so beautiful and inspiring and is just a message that needs to be pushed.
It gets better is a project about helping those in trouble, inspiring those in who see no hope and supporting those who just want to be themselves. The project isn't about promising anyone that life is perfect and in fact, Dan himself admitted openly that the phrasing "it gets better" does not really represent what the project is all about. Many of the best videos included the following admission: does it get better? no. But do you get stronger? yes. THe project was not to say everything works out perfectly, because the last thing a person who is suffering can see is the light at the end of the tunnel. Life is never perfect, and things change and people change, and something that seems terrible at 15 is no longer as terrible at 18. Why? Not because the hurt itself is any less painful, but because an individual themselves becomes stronger.
Is my life great now that I'm open about my sexuality? No. Is everything easy because I'm out of the closet? No. But did the darkness and despair that I felt at 15 and 16 get better? Yes. Did the way I viewed myself and the way people around me viewed me change? Yes. I grew up, everyone grew up, and that made things around me feel better. Is there still plenty of bullying? Is there still plenty of rejection from my own community? Yes. But today, I am ten times more capable of facing it all then I was five, six, seven or eight years ago? Absolutely.
The project may be mistitled, but the messaged rings clear- "it" may not get better, but "you" get stronger.
The book can be found here - It Gets Better
It gets better is a project about helping those in trouble, inspiring those in who see no hope and supporting those who just want to be themselves. The project isn't about promising anyone that life is perfect and in fact, Dan himself admitted openly that the phrasing "it gets better" does not really represent what the project is all about. Many of the best videos included the following admission: does it get better? no. But do you get stronger? yes. THe project was not to say everything works out perfectly, because the last thing a person who is suffering can see is the light at the end of the tunnel. Life is never perfect, and things change and people change, and something that seems terrible at 15 is no longer as terrible at 18. Why? Not because the hurt itself is any less painful, but because an individual themselves becomes stronger.
Is my life great now that I'm open about my sexuality? No. Is everything easy because I'm out of the closet? No. But did the darkness and despair that I felt at 15 and 16 get better? Yes. Did the way I viewed myself and the way people around me viewed me change? Yes. I grew up, everyone grew up, and that made things around me feel better. Is there still plenty of bullying? Is there still plenty of rejection from my own community? Yes. But today, I am ten times more capable of facing it all then I was five, six, seven or eight years ago? Absolutely.
The project may be mistitled, but the messaged rings clear- "it" may not get better, but "you" get stronger.
The book can be found here - It Gets Better
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
The Porn Star
I’ve stayed away from political elements on ths blog for a long time, but something there’s something I have to mention today, as it relates to the LGBT aspect of the Jewish community as well as to Israel. Gay porn superstar, Michael Lucas, known for his directing and filming, recently took a stand against the LGBT center running an Israeli Apartheid Week event, aimed at the support of Palestine and the destruction of Israel. Michael Lucas is known for filming many movies in Israel, as he describes the landscape and country as breathtaking and his beautiful homeland as a Jew, and he also promotes safe-sex only, always using condoms in all his videos, which is revolutionary in the gay porn industry.
The concept of the LGBT Center in NYC supporting an Israeli Apartheid week event for Palestinian LGBT groups and supporters is a joke. Forget about the fact that Israel is not an Apartheid state, and that it’s an insult to South Africa to call the situation in Israel the same, and forget about the fact that Palestinians don’t even exist because Palestine was never a sovereign nation, and therefore it’s people never a people other than Arabs from various middle-Eastern countries. But what is ridiculous is the concept of anyone LGBT standing up for Palestine. How can anyone who supports gay rights support ANY Arab country? Palestinian Authority Police arrest and torture gay men, Palestinians single out gay men in their communities for collaborating with Israel.
In strong contrast, Israel is often a refuge to gay Palestinians who cannot live in Palestinian territory because of persecution and violence. Israel is at the forefront of gay rights, prohibiting workplace discrimination in 1992, allowing openly gay soldiers to serve in 1993, and giving same-sex couples full spousal benefits in 1994. But none of this matters.
Ignoring all the facts above, which come from HERE, Michael Lucas was right for one reason only- a place like the LGBT center should not be involved in international politics, and simply support those who live here, and their rights and safety in the US, and specifically NYC.
And don’t even tell me that because he’s a porn star he shouldn’t be listened to. While not a Jewish value, even a sin, and not even a respectable profession by many accounts, the point is this man holds clout in the gay community. Jews don’t have to respect him for what he does, but they can agree with his opinion and be happy that a Jew, with some amount of power and respect, is standing up for the rights of Israel.
The concept of the LGBT Center in NYC supporting an Israeli Apartheid week event for Palestinian LGBT groups and supporters is a joke. Forget about the fact that Israel is not an Apartheid state, and that it’s an insult to South Africa to call the situation in Israel the same, and forget about the fact that Palestinians don’t even exist because Palestine was never a sovereign nation, and therefore it’s people never a people other than Arabs from various middle-Eastern countries. But what is ridiculous is the concept of anyone LGBT standing up for Palestine. How can anyone who supports gay rights support ANY Arab country? Palestinian Authority Police arrest and torture gay men, Palestinians single out gay men in their communities for collaborating with Israel.
In strong contrast, Israel is often a refuge to gay Palestinians who cannot live in Palestinian territory because of persecution and violence. Israel is at the forefront of gay rights, prohibiting workplace discrimination in 1992, allowing openly gay soldiers to serve in 1993, and giving same-sex couples full spousal benefits in 1994. But none of this matters.
Ignoring all the facts above, which come from HERE, Michael Lucas was right for one reason only- a place like the LGBT center should not be involved in international politics, and simply support those who live here, and their rights and safety in the US, and specifically NYC.
And don’t even tell me that because he’s a porn star he shouldn’t be listened to. While not a Jewish value, even a sin, and not even a respectable profession by many accounts, the point is this man holds clout in the gay community. Jews don’t have to respect him for what he does, but they can agree with his opinion and be happy that a Jew, with some amount of power and respect, is standing up for the rights of Israel.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Gay Marriage, pt. II OR "Normal"
Last week, I discussed the institution of gay marriage from a legal/political/religious standpoint. This is gay marriage, but with a very different definition. Recently, there has been discussion over a controversial article from Ha’Aretz Israeli newspaper, about a Rabbi who sets up gay men with lesbian women, to get married and raise a family in the Orthodox community, as a means of keeping up their religion and finding happiness. (Article HERE) So far, 10 of the 12 couples have stayed together. They keep up appearances, sleeping in the same room but not sleeping together, and they procreate through artificial insemination.
Now when I first came out, this was something recommended to me by many people. Why can’t I just marry a lesbian? I felt this was not the means to a truly happy life- and I would feel too depressed and unfulfilled and I was not willing to “keep up an appearance” for the rest of my life. How can anyone be happy in such a position? But these couples say they are.
I think the place where the individuals in this article differ from my path, is their use of the word “normal”- 4 times in direct quotes from these couples, and once from the author of the article. I have chosen, yes chosen, to change the definition of “normal”. To look outside what I grew up to believe in, and instead create my own normal, create a world, even within Orthodoxy, where a gay couple can be normal, and not accused or assumed to be violating Torah law. Instead of forcing myself to go with Orthodox communal definition of “normal”, I thought outside the box, thought to change “normal”, to step outside the bounds of what had been accepted by everyone else.
Orthodox Judaism has never been a static movement, and there has never been one definition of “normal”. There has been change, progress, growth and development every year, in every community- conversations and issues that change the definition of “normal”. Forget about damaging human emotions, lying to your own children, and all the psychological ramifications, I simply ask, why does homosexuality have to be pushed under the rug, pretending it doesn’t exist, just for the sake of a “normal” that is always changing?
Now when I first came out, this was something recommended to me by many people. Why can’t I just marry a lesbian? I felt this was not the means to a truly happy life- and I would feel too depressed and unfulfilled and I was not willing to “keep up an appearance” for the rest of my life. How can anyone be happy in such a position? But these couples say they are.
I think the place where the individuals in this article differ from my path, is their use of the word “normal”- 4 times in direct quotes from these couples, and once from the author of the article. I have chosen, yes chosen, to change the definition of “normal”. To look outside what I grew up to believe in, and instead create my own normal, create a world, even within Orthodoxy, where a gay couple can be normal, and not accused or assumed to be violating Torah law. Instead of forcing myself to go with Orthodox communal definition of “normal”, I thought outside the box, thought to change “normal”, to step outside the bounds of what had been accepted by everyone else.
Orthodox Judaism has never been a static movement, and there has never been one definition of “normal”. There has been change, progress, growth and development every year, in every community- conversations and issues that change the definition of “normal”. Forget about damaging human emotions, lying to your own children, and all the psychological ramifications, I simply ask, why does homosexuality have to be pushed under the rug, pretending it doesn’t exist, just for the sake of a “normal” that is always changing?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)