I'm not going to lie. It's not easy to sit in synagogue listening to the reader clearly pronounce "Thou shalt not lie with a man as one lies with a woman." Year after year. When I was in the closet I would look around, hoping no one was looking at me, knowing my darkest secret and calling me out on it. Of course, that never happened. Now, it's a completely different story, and I sit in the synagogue with my head held high, or asleep as I usually am during the Torah reading (lol).
Why would I leave? Well, the Torah is once again denouncing "who I am". But in actuality, it's denouncing only an action- that a man may not lie with another man- which I agree with, because it's the law. It doesn't make sense to believe in it, because I'm gay, but as an Orthodox Jew I believe in the Torah and everything it says. Anything otherwise would be sacrilege. I don't have a problem with what is written, mostly because it's there, it's written and there's nothing I can do about it. The same way I feel that I'm gay, it's there and there's nothing I can do about that. However, if I was called up to the Torah for the section where that verse is written I would probably turn down the "honor" as I would rather not be in the spotlight for the verse, either.
There have been many interpretations of the verse over the past 3,000 years. The most commonly accepted interpretation is the literal prohibition of anal sex, but there are other opinions. Another opinion is the verse uses language it uses elsewhere to refer to forced intercourse, so some say that the prohibition is only if the act was forced. So those are some options.
Somehow, I try to keep the two in mind at all times and not run away from either. I'm not picking one over the other, and even stepping out for that one verse would symbolize my sexuality over my religion and I don't feel that way.
Nicely said, Ely.
ReplyDeleteYour post shows the strength you have in your beliefs and I commend you for that.
ReplyDeleteAt the same time, it sounds like you are equating the sexual homosexual act to being homosexual itself. The Torah never prohibits an individual from feeling homosexual feelings. It is only prohibiting the act that may come along with that. You don't have to feel like you are hiding from anything if you yourself are not committing the acts.
If you want to stand by your other posts as well when you have made the point that others should not assume what goes on in the bedroom of a homosexual partnership are definitely acts directly against the Torah, then technically, you should not feel threatened by what is said in this past Parsha. Because when you and others make that point, you are basically claiming that Jewish homosexuals are not doing anything wrong in partnership...
Thanks, anon. I do stand by what I always say that being gay does not imply any one sexual act, and the Torah verse does mean only prohibit a sexual act, not homosexuality as a whole.
ReplyDeleteמִשְׁכְּבֵי אִשָּׁה requires a vagina. I'm not even sure how a man can do מִשְׁכְּבֵי אִשָּׁה with a man if he wanted to. Maybe it's a prohibition of sleeping with an m-to-f transsexual.
ReplyDeleteI just don't understand how you can believe the all-powerful, benevolent creator of the universe wrote that verse. It doesn't make any sense.
ReplyDeleteWhy do you continue to try and be part of a denomination that means nothing and doesn't want you. You're friends will still be your friends why tourture yourself? Why not just got to a congregation that is open and undertanding of the real world we live in.
ReplyDeleteWhy do you feel like you can't change ur homosexuality? You can still have thoughts and feelings about a man and not engage in those types of actions.Of course that may make u a less happy person but I'm just making a point. BTW have u ever tried being with a woman? (some1 may have asked that already somewhere I'm sure, but if u dont mind restating) thanks :) but well written post
ReplyDeleteAnon 11:01-
ReplyDeleteYou ask why I feel I can't change my homosexuality by not acting on it- changing isn't about acting or not acting, its about the desire. So no, I cannot change my desire from wanting men to wanting women. And yes, I have been with women, and no, it is not something I would commit my life to doing.
I was waiting for this post, and how you would reconcile it with a previous post where you said you don't see an issue with living with a partner and keep a home of Torah and the like.
ReplyDeleteJewish Atheist, what do you mean exactly? the textual formulation or the concept? which part of the verse cannot have been written by god? tnx
ReplyDeleteThe concept. The idea that, even in theory, men who have sex with men deserve to be executed is not an idea that can be reasonably attributed to a benevolent God. It just doesn't make sense, unless gay sex is really, really evil and I have a hard time believing that many modern people really believe that.
ReplyDeleteMay I say to Jewish Atheist that you shouldn't focus on that verse only. There are other sexual related prohibitions, like not having sex with your mother in law, sister in law, political sister, aunt, and a lot more. If you fall in love with your sister in law, you can't marry her; but, why not? If you're a nice person and she's also a nice person, what's wrong with her divorcing your brother in order to marry you? Would you call this also that it is not a law from a benevolent God? In the same line gay relationships have an "it's-not-so-OK" element to them, that only God knows why He prohibited them.
ReplyDeleteJonathan, your example is way way off. Divorcing one's husband to marry his brother would cause untold mental anguish to the divorced brother. It would rip the family apart. Furthermore, the mere possibility of such a union if r were legal could make all their family togetherness awkward for all involved if attraction is there, even if nothing comes of it. That's the kind of prohibition that make perfect sense. On the other hand, two single men who marry do not cause anyone any harm.
ReplyDelete